‘Soft-ball is the best,’ Teagan calls to the other children on her team. She watched the batter flex his arms, readying for the ball. The late afternoon sun causes her to squint. Out of her peripheral vision, she notices the runner on first base edge off the plate. If he moves a little more she can catch him out.

The pitcher lobs high. ‘Thwack.’ The aluminium bat strikes the ball. It goes right and towards the outfield. The batter takes off. The players on first and second base hesitate as they watch the ball arch through the air. A short girl sprints toward the ball, legs pumping. The other runners take off. The short girl reaches upward and plucks the ball down.

‘Out!’ yells Teagan.

The short girl twists about, panting. ‘Catch,’ she calls as she throws the ball to Teagan. Holding up her mitt to clasp the ball, Teagan stretches her foot so it touches first base. Another player is out.

The third player halts, then turns about to run back to second base.

‘David,’ Teagan cries as she throws to second base. David steps in, mitten to the fore, but staggers and collapses to his knees. He feels a thudding pain as he scoops up the ball and pivots around. The third runner is sprinting, gasping, almost at to second base. David lunges.

‘Triple play,’ screams Teagan as she leaps into the air.

‘Safe,’ retorts the umpire.

‘What! We got em all out.’

‘Third runner’s safe.’

‘He was run out.’

‘Your arguing?’

Teagan bits her lips. They are one run behind. They can still win. She looks over her teammates. ‘Let’s play ball.’

David throws the ball back to the pitcher. Teagan props on first base. The pitcher throws. Another high ball, wide swing and the ball sails towards David on second base. He steps backward, arm stretched up, straining to catch the ball. But he stumbles and falls. Before he can pick himself up the two runners dash behind the home plate, leaping into the air with joy as they do.

Teagan fumes. She walks over and grabs the ball. David is panting.

‘You dropped the ball, again.’

David looks up, but cannot say anything as he catches his breath. Teagan turns and throws the ball to the pitcher.

The umpire shouts, ‘I’m calling it game.’

‘That’s not fair,’ explodes Teagan.

‘Lights fading.’

‘I can still see.’

‘You might. But I’m still calling it game.’

Teagan throws down her mitts.

David coughs violently. Then bends over and spits a green-grey phlegm onto the grass. Teagan walks over and places her hand on his back. David coughs more and wheezes heavily. Teagan offers David a handkerchief. He whips the mucus from his face.

‘Thanks.’

‘Come on. I’ll walk you off.’

Teagan reaches around David’s shoulder and helps him up. Together they walk off the field. Teagan notices the long shadows fading with the darkness. David sits on the verge, still wheezing.

‘Could you get my ventolin,’ he pants. ‘It is in my sports bag, the blue stripped one, inside pocket.’

Teagan stands and walks over to the collection of bags and rummages through David’s bag to find the ventolin. She also grabs David’s jacket, then picks up her own jacket too. Returning, she throws the Ventolin to David.

‘Here, catch.’

David misses and the ventolin lands in his lap. He scoops it up to his mouth.

‘Need to keep your eye on the ball.’

David ignores Teagan’s spite. He pushes the ventolin spray and inhales forcefully, once, twice. He’s wheezing begins to ease.

‘Your jacket,’ says Teagan as she drops it at David’s feet. Then she puts on her own jacket, thrusting her hands into its side pockets. She watches as the last of the Sun settles below the horizon.

‘I enjoyed the game,’ remarks David before barking a cough.

‘I did too. I just like to win.’ Teagan walks back to her bag and picks up a rug next to it. She comes back to David and spreads the rug. ‘Sit on this. You’ll be more comfortable.’ David shifts on to the rug and Teagan sits down next to him. She leans back, placing her hands on the grass and looks up as the sky fades from light blue - grey – dark brown – black. A faint star emerges in the evening sky, then another, then a few more.

Teagan spoke. ‘I enjoyed gazing at the stars of a warm summers evening. There were so many that you could never count them.’

‘They are still there, just father away, spread out.’ A coughing fit seized David.

‘Can I get you some water.’

‘Please,’ hoarsed David. Teagan gots a bottle from her bag, pours a cup and placed it in David’s hands. He sips the water.

‘Suppose the Universe expanded and expanded,’ ponders Teagan aloud. ‘What would we do?’

‘We’d get cold,’ responds David.

‘But we’d have an abundance of knowledge, be near immortal.’

‘I guess we could make-believe the Sun’s warmth.’

‘Could we eat vanilla slice with cream, run, climb, sneeze?’

‘Fart too,’ rejoins David.

‘What about scoring a triple play every time?’

‘What’s the excitement of playing if you know you’ll win.’

Teagan muses over David’s comments. ‘What about a first kiss?’

David pauses, then pecks Teagan on the cheek. ‘Playing at pretend,’ he smirks. Then in a more serious tone, ‘You’d have to be ignorant of your ownself.’

‘So you could experience childhood,’ said Teagan as she pulls her knees up, cuddling herself for warmth.

‘Over and over again and not know that you were doing so.’

Teagan as she turned towards David. ‘What about experience not existing?’

‘By definition there is nothing to experience,’ retorts David in an indignant tone.

‘You’re done everything else or as much as you want to. Why bother existing any further? What more could you achieve?’

David glared and said nothing.

‘Just switch yourself off. Die. End life,’ finished Teagan. Then she stood and went over to her bag. She took out a thermos of hot chocolate. She looks across the Softball field. It was empty now. She sits back next to David and pours a cup of hot chocolate.

‘Want some?’

David shakes his head.

‘Suit yourself.’

‘Why are you angry at me?’

‘I’m not,’ Teagan took a taste of her hot chocolate, savouring the rich aroma.

‘You don’t like it that I’m sick.’

Teagan felt irritated. She looked away clutching her cup close to her mouth.

‘I don’t want you upset with me,’ continued David.

Teagan sighs. ‘I’ll get over it.’

David hugged Teagan.

‘You should get out of the night air,’ Teagan suggests as a chill wind blows up.

David grins. “I’ll be fine.” He lays down, curled up on the rug with his back against Teagan.

The wind blows up. Teagan shivers. She drapes her own coat over David, then picks up her cup and takes a sip of lukewarm chocolate. She huddles with her arms around her knees, cup in hand. She watched as David settles into a slow rhythmic breathing of sleep.  Then she lies down and tries to sleep too. But her mind is taut with a myriad of thoughts; images of clouds floating across the cosmos, electrons pulsating and twirling gas. She feels tired, eyes heavy, sleep washes over her.

Teagan blinks and pulls the rug over her head. Her toes feel cold and her bladder full. She forces open her eyes, blinks again, stretches and draws herself up. The Sun is rising with the new day. She sees David’s still form huddled under the blanket next to her. She reaches across and lays her hand on his forehead. He feels cold, waxy. She places her hand on his chest for a while. He isn’t breathing. His body is slack. He looks at ease.

‘Fuck you,’ she says aloud. She sits ups and huddles her arms around her knees, rocking. She looks over David’s body. ‘I’m supposed to accept your choices,’ she says aloud. She feels a tear roll down her cheek.  The Sun begins to warm her shoulder. She needed to urinate. She feels hungry too. Teagan gets up, looks back at David’s body and then walks off.

unpublished 2002

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